Deborah Tanner clearly separates the conversation rituals of men and women in both the professional workplace, as well as in a social environment. As stated by Tanner, “Women professors in her study informed students of course requirements as if they had magically appeared on the syllabus, whereas the men professors made it clear that they had set the requirements.” These different styles can also be classified under many different categories and marked either a more male style of conversation or a more female style. When I have conversations with others, I tend to use several conversational rituals, more female style than male. Maintaining my position, giving praise directly, and talking about troubles to share them, not necessarily to fix the problem are the ones I tend to use the most in my daily life.
After reading about all the different male and female conversation styles, I realized that the one style I use the most in my life, a male style, is maintaining my position to settle and argument. Although this is considered to be mainly a male conversation style, it is one of my favorites. I use it when I am talking with my parents to get a later curfew. I use it with coworkers to get better work hours. I especially use it with friends to prove to them that I am right, even though I may be wrong. To me this masculine style of speech is important for keeping my position and maintaining my point of view on many matters. Sometimes I give in when I know I have no way of winning, but that is on very rare occasions.
Giving praise directly, and often, is another conversational ritual that I use in my everyday life and unlike the other ritual I use, this one is more of a female style of conversation. Seeing as how this is a female style, I tend to use this ritual when I am around other women. I can be sitting in a class room and see a pair of shoes I admire, so I will tell the woman wearing them just that. I could also be at work socializing with my coworker and simply praise the outfit she is wearing. In return, I often receive a comment of praise in reply, which is also part of the ritual, as Tanner describes it. This ritual could be a self esteem building tool; you praise someone and they praise you in return, boosting each other’s self esteem.
Another one of my personal favorite conversational rituals is talking about problems to share them, not necessarily to fix the problem. This is another female ritual, although, unlike the previous ritual, I tend to use this one more around males than females. When talking about my problems with men, they tend to think I’m talking about them because I need to find a solution to the problems. That is just the opposite. I generally talk about my problems simply to vent and feel better: to just get it out, a need to talk. That does not mean, however, that I do not want the problems to get fixed. If the problem gets fixed by simply talking about it, then that’s a plus, but my main reason for talking is just that, to talk.
After reading through all the main conversational rituals in this essay, I noticed that many females typically use a female style of speech. Men have more direct rituals, whereas women tend to go deeper into something and not just touch the surface of it. When I converse with other people, I gravitate toward the female style of conversational rituals, and have also noticed that although I use certain male rituals, they are very few.